The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers by Meg Meeker M.D

Author:Meg Meeker, M.D.
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
ISBN: 9780345518088
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2011-09-06T05:00:00+00:00

FINDING A PLACE TO BE QUIET—LONDA’S STORY

There is more to solitude than understanding who we are and sharpening our sensitivity to others and ourselves. Solitude helps us connect with a deeper part of our being, called the divine center. Philosophers, mystics, and religious leaders have described this as the part of our being that is spirit. It is the invisible, intangible center of who we are. We can neither feel it nor see it, but we know that it exists. Our spirit, or soul, gives us value and meaning beyond what we can articulate.

Interestingly, mothers who have grappled with terrible pain often speak openly about spiritual matters. Women who struggle with chronic illness (physical or mental), alcohol or drug addiction, post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, or other serious problems are forced to seek answers about their pain. In the seeking, they make decisions about their abilities, their humanity, and the existence of a part of themselves that connects with God. Desperate for relief from emotional, physical, or mental pain, many mothers intensify efforts to find something or someone who offers help beyond what they or anyone else they know can bring.

It is no surprise that mothers who struggle are also more likely to pray or meditate. They do this because they fastidiously search for help. Here again, solitude and silence brings about prayer and causes some to face truths about their struggles. It helps them become more sensitive, more understanding of the intricacies of the struggle, and finally, it helps them reconcile their lives and their hurts. But there is more. There is the encounter of their spirit with another—God. Herein lies the secret to the peace that many mothers describe as flowing from solitude. When we feel our spirit connect with an invisible God, we know it to be true, but we cannot articulate it. It exists as a deep, very personal knowledge. Londa knows what this means.

When I first met Londa, I liked her immediately. We took our kids to the same preschool and during our first chat, we seemed to click. Looking back at that first meeting, I think that what I was attracted to was her ordinariness. She wasn’t a perfectionist—she was a mom who brought store-bought cookies or undercooked brownies for preschool snack. She had tremendous energy. She took her kids with her everywhere and whenever she had hauled them on too many errands, she would stop at the park on the way home and play with them. She looked like a really fun mom.

Over the succeeding two years, I noticed that Londa was losing weight. She wasn’t a dieter; on the contrary, she loved to cook and eat and frequently joked about her exercise regimen, which she followed, she admitted, solely because she liked to eat. Otherwise she would have ditched it. Her moods shifted frequently and I saw them take a toll on her kids and her family. A gently escalating anger began somewhere in her and she hid it as well as she could for many years, she later told me.

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